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Don’t be gentle, when you leave. Tear me apart.

When our time comes, which you know it does so often. Don’t be gentle when you leave.

When we say goodbye for one last time, don’t say a goodbye, say something hurtful with hate.

When I look up to you with craving eyes, make the face of disgust and walk away.

When I beg you to call me,  or hear me just once. Bang the phone and block me.

When I text you telling you that we should rethink this, don’t ever bother replying.

When you hear of me crying over you, go celebrate and don’t forget to do a social media campaign around it.

When I’m fallen on the ground, don’t offer me your hands. Kick some dust and storm away.

So when our time comes, don’t try to be heroic. Crumple my paper heart and dump it.

Because, we both know, if you leave gently, I’ll follow you around like a lovesick puppy. If you leave so gently, my heart will make you see a make believe home where we can make things work. I will build us a dream that will be hard to escape.

If you leave gently, I will ask you to stay.

They all said we wouldn’t last, they said this will fade away. We proved them wrong and stayed strong, only for us to eventually fray. It was paradise, it was war-zone. So I said when you leave me, don’t be gentle. tear me apart so I won’t beg you to stay.

Why then am I so hurt when you merely did what I asked you to do? Our mind can be a hell of its own kind, it makes me constantly believe if I turned you into this or were you always this way.

Hurry up now, don’t stop, don’t look back to see the salt on my cheeks. You are almost there, go dive into another heart and forget that we ever existed.

And hey, when you leave her, remember, don’t be gentle, don’t make her ask you to stay.

Love & Life

Your search ends here, I found Happy.

It’s easy to be beautiful looking, it’s something else to be the one that makes you happy. So amongst all the compliments you shower me with, here’s one i keep waiting to hear. “You make me so happy” it’s like the ultimate award, the only golden star i need, to feel that however wrong things might be, if I succeed at keeping you happy, I succeed at life.

We all have our relationships, those that make us sad, some that make us revengeful, some that make us angry, some helpless, some sexy and rare ones that make us happy. It is these relationships that bring us back to our original self when we are down in the dump about work or career or just about anything else. This man or this woman who picks us up and makes us feel so validated that everything seems ok. Seems good. Good enough to go another day. To see another day of crashing stock markets, annoying bosses, terrible school time, another day feeling a little less lonely and a little more hopeful.

Our happy maker is the one who uses the right words at the time. A cheesy pick up line just before you ask them to get you a drink in the club, a bollywood dialogue just when you are about to step out of the house, a text message with lyrics to a song that describes how happy they are all because of you. This happy maker is the reason you experience a giggle between massive tears, a blush in a serious situation, a tingling sensation at the back of your neck, or an endless stupid smile on your face. Your happy maker can be in the very room that you are sitting in, he or she can be far away and still making you very happy, he/she can also be someone who comes and goes in your life but never fails to leave you happier. With all the books we read and the movies we watch we struggle to find our happy maker, and then one day you receive a message that says “You change my life with your presence, you are my sunshine” and that’s when you look into the mirror and realise that ‘YOU’ are the one. And maybe the world needs less people looking for happiness and more of us just being happy.

As we relaunch Jugni & Co. we urge you to step out of your little box of issues, spread some sunshine, make someone so happy that your silly little box feels invalid. Because, if I succeed at keeping you happy, I succeed at life. I am the happy maker, I am Jugni.

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Love & Life

Feels and Chills.

Sometimes a simple text can give you goosebumps, a long overdue apology, an unexpected “I really love you” message, or one which describes thoughts, that seem stolen from your own head. The goosebumps are real.d6921f10b25de2103860ddc0919c2345

Sometimes a mundane moment can make you feel absolutely blissed out. When you are lying in bed, wondering how can everything feel this perfect. Like what did I ever do so right to deserve this. When you order in room service, and eat a hearty breakfast in crisp white bathrobes, by the pool in the winter sunshine. The bliss is real.Four-Seasons-Hotel-Singapore_CouplesFloor

Sometimes, the current you feel from another person is not static, it is a legit spark you feel in every cell within your body that screams out to tell you something big. Like, ‘this is it’. A peck on the cheek, especially when you are blushing like crazy, a peck so intense on your tiny little dimple. A deep kiss on his shoulder, taking in all that magical perfume. Not turning on, but just enough to make you dizzy. The electricity is real.

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When Jai said it to Meera, “yeh tum wali feeling”, “aadat”. When Ranveer and Tia hugged for the first time, and when Armaan and Riddhima confessed their love. When he finally held me and pressed his lips against my forehead, and when I was too shy to look up, he kissed my head again with the same intensity. That Imtiaz Ali level romance is ‘Feels and Chills’ And that moment when it hits you, when you realise that is ‘the kick’ you have been waiting for, when you know you found the purpose of your life, to keep someone at peace, happy, making their heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

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Does it happen to you, when you hold hands in the car? Or when you hug for more than ten seconds and don’t want to let go? Does it happen to you that when you experience these feels and chills, you know that your soul is still there at that place,in that moment and your bodies have moved away? Does it give you sleepless nights, thinking of what could have been, or would we ever be better than this?

Feels and chills are real. Those that give us, defining moments. Those rare countable on your fingertips moments, which make your heart take over everything else. That moment in a concert when you just let it all go and jump to a 128bpm song, that moment when you down your third LIT in a crowded club and truly let your hair down. That moment, when you know, you and him will never be just friends again. That moment, that changes a tiny bit inside you forever. A moment that will never be undone, cause you won’t let it fade away from your memory.

I wish all of you, more feels and chills and life-defining moments. I wish that ecstatic microsecond that you once felt, comes alive in every sense and never ever let you forget how majestic you are. How miraculous your relationships are. How magical this life is.

And you silly, you are Magic. You are Jugni.

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All images from google.

Love & Life

Everything you do is out of fear. Don’t believe it, read on.

Fear, he said to me was only a form of anger. Fear, was also what eventually turned into hatred. Fear is what damages any relationship, even the one we have with ourselves.

Have you ever wondered about all the things you do simply because of fear? You all have been living out of fear. Your relationships are out of fear. Fear is so overwhelming – like a dark cloud covering your life – that you say things which you don’t want to say, but fear makes you say them. You do things which you do not want to do, but fear makes you do them.

fear (n)- An unpleasant emotion caused by danger, pain or harm.
It makes it possible to love someone, you actually are better without. It makes it possible to be in a place you really should not. It makes you do all the things you never wanted yourself to do. Fear is so powerful, that it can even make you feel like all those things you did were out of love and not fear. It consumes you, decides your actions and even controls your thoughts.
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Haven’t we heard stories of people going to lengths only in the fear of losing someone. Lies, betrayal, anger, cheating, running away are all taking over our lives because of the fear of being hurt, fear of not winning, fear of not being accepted. Getting that bizarre haircut or tattoo, eating at that fancy place, dressing a certain way or trying to like a certain thing, it’s what we all did or still do in the fear of acceptance.
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We fear that we’ll lose out on something better and hence don’t value where we are right now. Or the people we are with right now. And sometimes or rather most of the times we do the opposite of that. We fear tht we might never find someone better and that’s why we kill ourself trying to be someone we are not, just to maintain this fake peace. This fake relationship. Everybody you have come in contact with has been imposing fear on you, because fear is the antithesis of freedom. The more fear you have in you, the less is the possibility of freedom. The more fear is there, the less is the possibility of rebellion
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The things we love most, the things we enjoy most are the only things we are not afraid of. Shift to the paradigm of love. Shut down the paradigm of fear. Focus on what you want and not what you don’t want. When you are asked not to think of a pink elephant, what do you do?, you think of a pink elephant. That’s exactly how the paradigm of fear works, you focus on what you don’t want and land up getting exactly that. If you constantly remind yourself how badly you don’t want to piss off someone you love, it will invariably happen. They will be pissed off and pin the fault on you. You operated from the paradigm of fear. If you would only focus on having a happy day, there are higher chances that you do.
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Fear makes you not believe your inner voice, it changes you, makes you somebody you are not really proud of. Don’t let it take over your life. Move out of parasitic relationships, messy jobs and unhappy places. Be someone you’d fall in love with. Someone loving and joyful, not fearing and stressful.
And when you’ve done that, don’t forget to get someone else out of the fear spiral too. Stay fearless. Stay Jugni.
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As Osho said,

“Don’t follow your fear instinct, because that is going to make you a coward. It degrades your humanity. It is a humiliation imposed by yourself. Whenever you see some fear, go against it! A simple criterion: whenever you see there is fear, go against it and you will be always moving, growing, expanding, coming closer to the moment when ego simply drops – because its whole functioning is through fear. And the absence of the ego is enlightenment; it is not something plus.
“Just a simple principle: remember, anything that makes you afraid, fearful, is a clear indication of what you have to do. You have to do just the opposite. You are not to become a follower of fear, you have to fight your fear. The moment you decide to fight your fear, you are on the way towards enlightenment.”
Love & Life

Long Days, Longer Thoughts.

The girl who paces up and down between her landline and computer while constantly checking her phone. Am i becoming that girl? desperately waiting for a call, for a message, for a sign that he’s into me you might think. Umm. It’s anything but that. Pacing to and fro all these devices to delete all traits of any communication that I might have had with any human being with a dick. Pardon me for the choice of words, doubting me did not come with logical explanations such as the guy should be about my age, he should be single, he should be physically around me. He need not even be fully alive for my man to doubt my intentions with any one who is a male.

A married client, a 50 year old acquaintance, an employer who is sitting countries away or someone random guy adding me on Facebook. These are only a few instances that make him doubt me, so the phone checking, the call log screening and the trick questions are always happening. It’s not completely his fault, i mean who said a guy is fully crazy that he would do this without a reason. There is no smoke without some fire right?  Yes conversations with men around me are a tad bit informal but that’s simply to hit off an equation that makes work or anything else easier, but is it right for him to scrutinise? So I may have been having repeated conversations with old crushes and a couple of new people who are extra friendly, so am I. He laid his eyes on these conversations and has never been able to trust me again. Infinite apologies and multiple instances of blocking people have all led him to continue doubting my intentions and fuelling his feeling of insecurity.

Point being, an insecure person then does all the things to keep the partner all to himself. Do these things actually get the brownie points of being genuine efforts? or is it all a gimmick to stop the partner from going astray. Insecurity can be pinned as the core concern of my relationship. All I do is an effort to make him feel like I am worthy of his trust and all he does his to make me feel like i do not need any body else. This has been going on for so long that we do not remember our real feelings anymore. It’s that unhealthy habit, which we might or might not ever be able to get out of.

I can hear him shouting my name from downstairs, it’s going to be a good Sunday date. Elaborate plan you know, breakfast and shopping and a movie to end the evening with. Another effort, another day in love.

Rightly put, relationships are hard work, if i really would be so worked up about his insecure ways I would not work so hard on this. And if he really would be so insecure wouldn’t he have left me by now?

P.S: This is a continuation from https://jugniandco.wordpress.com/2014/12/23/long-nights-longer-thoughts/ and is a work of fiction, we might run the whole story for you soon.

Here at Jugni and Co. Stay Tuned.

Love & Life

Long nights. Longer thoughts.

10.30pm

Was thinking of taking a nap, before my night duty begins. It’s a dirty feeling to not be able to roll in to bed whenever I feel like. He likes to talk late in the night. We need to talk about how wrong a person I am, how I have ruined his life, and more of how terribly dishonest I am.
So I was honest with him, when I said how unhappy I was and how I don’t see a future. He worked a way around that. He made me believe how I need to work hard on myself, to make him fall in love with me so then he could work on keeping me happy. Wow. Mind. Blown.

Why don’t we just breakup, you might think? Well I tried, he thinks he’s being a hero and saving the relationship when it feels like he is caging me. He needs me to understand that this is Love, that this is simply his undying affection for me. He likes games. I had thought of that as a good thing, but the games he plays are far from what I had in mind. Mind games, not the simple one or two stories here and there but well planned, plotted manipulative master plans are his forte. Guilt and fear are his two big cards I have figured. Either he can incept a seed of guilt in me for doing or rather even wanting to do a certain thing, or he can instill a serious dose of fear in me like hurting himself or even reaching out to my loved ones. It’s sad how having been in a wonderful close knit family, I hate myself enough for not coming clean in front of my parents or even close friends. Why? Don’t you see it, their first question will be if I’m happy in this, I’m clearly not. I think. Then there are times when my plea for the break-up reaches a point where I use his tactics on him, I threaten him that I will kill myself. Then he says, “OK I’ll leave you. But do not hurt yourself, cause I love you too much. So much that I can even leave you.”

And that is actually the masterstroke. This is the moment where I drop the fight and I feel privileged enough to have him, I need this love. I need him around. Even if it is to suck the life out of me, I realize how twisted we both are. He brings out the worst in me, but don’t I do the same to him? It’s a question that haunts me and as we drag each other into a new night of fights I’m forced to think how nice he is as a friend to his friends, even my friends quite like him as a person. You know I recently watched Gone Girl, and I could not digest the fact that even after all those lies, fights and drama he chose to stay with her. For the world, for their image, for future or simply because of habit.

We grow old with people, we grow into each other’s goods and bads, we become like each other. We see the world like they see it too, we treat each other badly but only feel comfort when we are with each other. I read a hundred different love stories, so many fairytales, they never ever said that Love can become an unhealthy habit. A habit that you cannot quit, like smoking or drinking, a habit that changes who you are completely. And till the time you fully cut off from it, you’ll never know what you really want.

My phone is ringing now, maybe answering the call in a happy tone will save me from tonight’s bout, maybe I could play on the big meeting I have tomorrow, or maybe tonight will be the night where I realize that he is still the only one I want.

12.01am – Signing out.

P.S: This is a (part of) work of fiction, and we might run the whole story for you soon.
Here at Jugni and Co. Stay Tuned.

Love & Life

Are you in it for the Love?

It’s one of those conversations we need to have with our self. It’s one of those things that would shake you out of the mess you might have been in. Relationships are complicated at times, but mostly it is our own complexities that take us where we weren’t originally set out to be.

The following write up made our team sit up-stop-think about every relationship they are in, and why. While researching on the hunky-dory phase of a new relationship, we stumbled upon one such new love affair that had hit bottom in the first 40days! In just about 40 days they went from “I think I Like you” to “I Love You” to “I can’t deal with this anymore”. Before they reached a hundred likes on their relationship status change update, well, it changed again. Confused? So were we! Here’s the break-down.

We heard of a love affair that went on strong for almost three years, the ideal girl next door had gotten used to having him around, he being 8yrs older had always been her hero. Relationships like these can be either life changing or simply just like any other relationship. For reasons we failed to understand their love did not last. The girl tried all she could to get back to singleton, not because she was over him, but because she had grown too used to having him around.

Relationships which happen at ages like 18-20yrs can really be your foundation of love, and when they don’t go right you might lose faith in the whole idea. This relationship we stumbled upon had the girl going on to another relationship with a guy of her age, since she had left her last relationship at the stage where everything was extremely serious and committed she started exactly where she left off with this new person. Not realizing that every man who falls for you does not want to place you where his ex lover was, he wants to start afresh and fall in love with each thing you do. Each one of us deserve a chance to feel those butterflies, that floating feeling with new compliments and unending conversations and grow on to the next level. Here the girl did that, but did it too quickly in the need to fill that void. The void that her previous relationship left her with. Though we have read so many times about how loneliness leads to a lot of things which people would not do otherwise. This is the one thing that a lot of us do even without knowing it.

Are you a relationship junkie? do you see yourself getting in and out of relationships in the ultimate search of fulfillment of that void? Aren’t we being unfair to the people who get into an affair with us, with the thought of actually experiencing love and having a long term relationship? Currently the girl is back with her ex and plans to marry him, leaving the other guy pretty disturbed as to what the hell really happened; as he was in it for good, he put in his best and was even ready to stay committed and see how things go. Don’t be the reason for some-one’s un-happiness, “Do not do to others, what you do not want others to do, to you”.

Fall in love with someone for that person not because you are needy or can’t deal with being alone.

Only you being happy, will lead you to happy fulfilling relationships. For more gyaan on relationships and all things related to your heart do check out www.reviveyourrelations.com

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