The girl who paces up and down between her landline and computer while constantly checking her phone. Am i becoming that girl? desperately waiting for a call, for a message, for a sign that he’s into me you might think. Umm. It’s anything but that. Pacing to and fro all these devices to delete all traits of any communication that I might have had with any human being with a dick. Pardon me for the choice of words, doubting me did not come with logical explanations such as the guy should be about my age, he should be single, he should be physically around me. He need not even be fully alive for my man to doubt my intentions with any one who is a male.
A married client, a 50 year old acquaintance, an employer who is sitting countries away or someone random guy adding me on Facebook. These are only a few instances that make him doubt me, so the phone checking, the call log screening and the trick questions are always happening. It’s not completely his fault, i mean who said a guy is fully crazy that he would do this without a reason. There is no smoke without some fire right? Yes conversations with men around me are a tad bit informal but that’s simply to hit off an equation that makes work or anything else easier, but is it right for him to scrutinise? So I may have been having repeated conversations with old crushes and a couple of new people who are extra friendly, so am I. He laid his eyes on these conversations and has never been able to trust me again. Infinite apologies and multiple instances of blocking people have all led him to continue doubting my intentions and fuelling his feeling of insecurity.
Point being, an insecure person then does all the things to keep the partner all to himself. Do these things actually get the brownie points of being genuine efforts? or is it all a gimmick to stop the partner from going astray. Insecurity can be pinned as the core concern of my relationship. All I do is an effort to make him feel like I am worthy of his trust and all he does his to make me feel like i do not need any body else. This has been going on for so long that we do not remember our real feelings anymore. It’s that unhealthy habit, which we might or might not ever be able to get out of.
I can hear him shouting my name from downstairs, it’s going to be a good Sunday date. Elaborate plan you know, breakfast and shopping and a movie to end the evening with. Another effort, another day in love.
Rightly put, relationships are hard work, if i really would be so worked up about his insecure ways I would not work so hard on this. And if he really would be so insecure wouldn’t he have left me by now?
P.S: This is a continuation from https://jugniandco.wordpress.com/2014/12/23/long-nights-longer-thoughts/ and is a work of fiction, we might run the whole story for you soon.
Here at Jugni and Co. Stay Tuned.