You see, your first love isn’t the first person you give your heart to—it’s the first one who breaks it.
And no, maybe you did not have a long tearful breakup, maybe you did. Maybe they left without no warning, maybe they gave you plenty of them. Maybe you just one side-dly built up all these castles in the air when the other went ahead with someone else.
Your heart broke, it was so loud that you could not hear anything else, and the worst was that no one else could hear it from inside of you. And then you picked up your pieces and lead an almost life, but could never stop thinking about the one that got away.
The college crush, the stalker you became.
The marriage proposal from an extended family member, the dreamer you became.
The ex-boyfriend who came back, and the excited teenager you became.
For various reasons and different situations, I have a feeling like we all keep an eye on the one that got away. With all these million social media options, it only became easier to continue guilty pleasures of stalking. An ocassional snapchat, or facebook inboxing, just a friendly iMessage; anything that gets the ball rolling in your favour again. Sometimes, it gives you a huge morale boost to be able to text someone you were attracted to so intensely, now with so much ease and no fuss.
Sometimes, you are just craving to know if they ever felt the same way about you. Sometimes, when you get to know that, you enter a conflict within yourself. Sometimes, it does not bother you. Whereas, sometimes you heave a sigh of relief as you can finally let it go.
Insecurity, creeps in with these little little ideas. Of keeping in touch, just checking in, liking the pictures or meeting a little too often. We are all human beings after all, with a strong tendency to get bored and will to wander off. The most fufilling experiences are the ones that we always wished for or thought of. The could haves and the would haves.
Did your ‘one-that-got-away’ go away to make it better for you? or did they just have someone better?The one that got away, might not necessarily lead to conflicts, if it does you have your answer loud and clear isn’t it? And if you are one of those who wants to focus on the here&now, then shift+delete, this entire scene of keeping an eye on your lost might-be-soulmate. Make better of what you have now, cause if it didn’t happen before, you might have had a pretty big reason to not go ahead with it.
But, feelings can’t be ignored no matter how unjust or unfair they seem. And it’s said somewhere in the world that no one can heal a broken heart, better than the one who broke it. Even if that’s not true, there is today a person somewhere in this world living the life that you imagined, but you are not in it. If that line changes anything, maybe you need to put everything on hold and first clear this out. Speak to that person, find out the reason. Either make peace with it or do something about it that will make you sleep better each night. Find your first love and fix it, don’t get it back, but fix it. Not for anybody else this time, only for you.